Here's a copy of an e-mail I sent to a friend yesterday

I don't feel up to writing it all out again, but it says what I'm feeling right now.
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I am having an angry day today. First day that I haven't sobbed constantly. I just can't stop thinking though that it doesn't really matter what I do, nothing will change what happened. I'm not saying that I am not grieving because of it, or that I'm trying to rush the grief process, but all I want is something to just fix everything and make it so that I can be pregnant again with Christopher and be able to watch him grow up. And I know that there is NO way for that to happen.

But I'm just so angry that this had to happen to us TWICE. And this time, we had almost made it halfway, and we had JUST found out that he was healthy. I had finally decided that my loss in 2006 was just a fluke. I had finally decided that I was really and truly going to have a baby in August. I finally let myself get excited about the fact that my sister and I were going to have our last babies and that these babies would be the first ones that were going to be in the same grade (We both had children in 1999, 2001, and 2004, but her kids are born before the deadline and mine are born after. We also both had early losses in 2002, and late first trimester losses in 2006. She is due with #4 in June, and I was due in August.) Instead, Christopher will never get to go to school with his cousin, learn to drive at the same time, go to college at the same time, etc. And Christopher's due date was my birthday. On the one hand, it is nice that we will always be tied together by that date, but on the other hand, every year, I will get older, and Christopher never will.

Project Linus' national headquarters are here, and I know the president fairly well, and she brought over blankets for K, E & S. I thought that was so thoughtful. The hospital also gave me a baby blanket from Project Linus while I was at the hospital. I've really been overwhelmed with all the people that have expressed their love and support for our family during this awful time.

- Andie