The amnio results came back on March 24th. The baby does not have Trisomy 13, 18 or 21. We also found out that we were having a little boy. We were thrilled. We called people who knew that we were having the amnio and told them that the baby was fine. We finally told our children and they were so excited. My parents had come out to be with us while we waited for news. We went out to dinner that night and celebrated. We spent most of the evening discussing baby names.
I had gotten a fetal doppler through the mail, and I checked his heartbeat on Monday. It was 155. Tuesday evening, I checked it again. It took a little while to find it, but I finally did, and it was 155. Wednesday, I decided to wait a day or two between checks, and so I didn't check it that day. I went out and ran a couple errands with my sister and my mom.
Thursday, I woke up and I just felt like something was wrong. I got out my fetal doppler and looked for his heartbeat. I searched for 10 minutes, and I couldn't find it. I started to panic, but I decided to try and look again. Still nothing. I tried to tell myself that I just couldn't find it because I wasn't looking in the right place. But I was worried enough that I decided to call the dr. The dr's office called back and said to come in. When I got there, they said they would do an ultrasound, but the ultrasound room was being used, and it would be a little while. I had called my husband and asked him to come to my appointment, so he was with me.
We finally got called to the ultrasound room. I was still trying to convince myself that everything was going to be o.k. We had been through so much with this pregnancy, and we had just found out that he didn't have Trisomy 18. He was o.k. He just had to be.
But as soon as the dr. started the ultrasound, I knew. I said "He isn't moving, is he? And there isn't a heartbeat, is there?" And the dr. said "I'm sorry, but he is gone." I turned to look at my husband, and tears were running down his face.
On Thursday, March 27th, at 5:00 pm, we went over to the hospital to start the induction. They didn't start the medication until about 7:30 pm. At 5:09 am, on March 28th, 2008, Christopher John was born silently into the world.
During my time at the hospital, especially during the delivery, I was blessed with wonderful, caring nurses. My doctor was wonderful.
We left the hospital yesterday. They gave us a baby blanket and a box that contained his footprints, his birth certificate, and other momentos of his birth. We will be having a funeral service for him on Tuesday.
I'm feeling a million emotions and I'm sure I will continue to feel them for a long time.
I miss him.
-Andie & Christopher (born and died at 17 weeks, 4 days)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
I had the ultrasound and amnio on Tuesday
I did have my ultrasound & amnio on Tuesday.
There was some potential good news. The specialist did an detailed ultrasound before the amnio. The baby measures on track or ahead of my dates. He saw a 4 chamber heart, a 3 vessel cord, a nasal bone, no cysts on the brain, no spina bifida, etc. He said that if he had seen me just to do the ultrasound, that he would conclude that the baby was a completely normal, healthy baby.
He then gave us the option of doing the amnio now based on the fact that we had a very normal ultrasound. It definitely made the decision much more difficult, but in the end, we decided to go ahead with it. I just felt like I needed to know FOR SURE one way or another, that either the baby was o.k. or it wasn't. At first, I really wanted to believe that the bloodwork was just wrong, and everything was fine, and I didn't need to do the amnio, but I've read enough stories where the ultrasounds didn't show any markers, but yet the baby still had Trisomy 18, so I decided to do it.
I won't lie, for me, the amnio was very uncomfortable. I also had like a constant contraction for several hours afterwards. But by the next morning, the pain was gone. I've had no bleeding or leaking. It's also been really tough because since I had the amnio, I haven't felt anything that I could definitely say "Yep, that's movement" and I was feeling plenty of movement before. It is hard not to worry. I know that everything is most likely o.k., and I'm only 16 weeks anyway, so it isn't like I "should" be feeling consistent movement, but since I was feeling consistent movement last week, and now I'm not really feeling any, it definitely makes me paranoid. I did have a quick check-up at my OBs yesterday though, and they heard the heartbeat, so I'm trying to be reassured by that.
The dr. said he wasn't sure whether my insurance would pay for FISH (preliminary results that test for Trisomy 13, 18 & 21) results. He said that he would submit them, and if they paid for it, we would hear Thursday or Friday, but the office is closed now, so I won't hear anything until next week, even if the FISH results come in. Hopefully Monday. If they don't do FISH, it will be Wed-Thursday of next week. I'm trying to be patient. It seems like all I do is wait anymore anyway.
-Andie (16W2D)
There was some potential good news. The specialist did an detailed ultrasound before the amnio. The baby measures on track or ahead of my dates. He saw a 4 chamber heart, a 3 vessel cord, a nasal bone, no cysts on the brain, no spina bifida, etc. He said that if he had seen me just to do the ultrasound, that he would conclude that the baby was a completely normal, healthy baby.
He then gave us the option of doing the amnio now based on the fact that we had a very normal ultrasound. It definitely made the decision much more difficult, but in the end, we decided to go ahead with it. I just felt like I needed to know FOR SURE one way or another, that either the baby was o.k. or it wasn't. At first, I really wanted to believe that the bloodwork was just wrong, and everything was fine, and I didn't need to do the amnio, but I've read enough stories where the ultrasounds didn't show any markers, but yet the baby still had Trisomy 18, so I decided to do it.
I won't lie, for me, the amnio was very uncomfortable. I also had like a constant contraction for several hours afterwards. But by the next morning, the pain was gone. I've had no bleeding or leaking. It's also been really tough because since I had the amnio, I haven't felt anything that I could definitely say "Yep, that's movement" and I was feeling plenty of movement before. It is hard not to worry. I know that everything is most likely o.k., and I'm only 16 weeks anyway, so it isn't like I "should" be feeling consistent movement, but since I was feeling consistent movement last week, and now I'm not really feeling any, it definitely makes me paranoid. I did have a quick check-up at my OBs yesterday though, and they heard the heartbeat, so I'm trying to be reassured by that.
The dr. said he wasn't sure whether my insurance would pay for FISH (preliminary results that test for Trisomy 13, 18 & 21) results. He said that he would submit them, and if they paid for it, we would hear Thursday or Friday, but the office is closed now, so I won't hear anything until next week, even if the FISH results come in. Hopefully Monday. If they don't do FISH, it will be Wed-Thursday of next week. I'm trying to be patient. It seems like all I do is wait anymore anyway.
-Andie (16W2D)
Saturday, March 01, 2008
The waiting is killing me
I really don't know how I will make it. I am very frustrated that I was told this after the time that I could do CVS. We definitely would have done that and we already would have had the results. Instead, it is just one long day after another, and it is still 17 days until the actual amnio, then two days to get the FISH results (preliminary results that will be able to tell us if the baby has trisomy 13, 18 or 21). Not to mention, when I asked the nurse about getting FISH results, the nurse couldn't really tell me if they even do FISH results. And even if the FISH results are positive, we have to wait 7-10 days for the full results. We are most likely looking at the end of March at least. I've talked to my parents and they are coming out on the 20th of March, but who knows if we will have any results during the time that they are here.
I called the other day and got my actual numbers. My hCG and my PAPP-A should be around 1.0. My hCG MoM is .58 which is bad, but it isn't as troubling as my PAPP-A MoM number. My PAPP-A MoM number is .21. In the clinical studies, etc. that I've looked at, I saw nothing that indicated anything good with a PAPP-A number that was below .3.
I honestly have very little hope at this point for good news. There just isn't any good news out there with a decreased hCG AND a decreased PAPP-A, and mine just aren't decreased, they are very low. My PAPP-A is in the less than 1% range . That means more than 99% of people have a PAPP-A higher than mine. I think my hCG is below the 5% level. Everything just points to the very real liklihood that this baby has trisomy 18. And I know that these are just numbers and don't mean anything definitively, but it is so hard to hold on to hope when nothing leads me to believe that I should. If the baby does have trisomy 18, all of the options are heartbreaking.
We decided not to tell our children until after we knew that things were fine, and now we don't think that they are, so we decided that we aren't going to tell them about the pregnancy yet, and so I'm just trying to keep all of this from them, including any future plans that we need to make. Lots of people from our church know that I'm on bedrest because of the placenta problem and so I have begged them not to say anything about the pregnancy where my children are, but I am afraid that someone will slip.
This is so hard.
-Andie (13 weeks 3 days)
I called the other day and got my actual numbers. My hCG and my PAPP-A should be around 1.0. My hCG MoM is .58 which is bad, but it isn't as troubling as my PAPP-A MoM number. My PAPP-A MoM number is .21. In the clinical studies, etc. that I've looked at, I saw nothing that indicated anything good with a PAPP-A number that was below .3.
I honestly have very little hope at this point for good news. There just isn't any good news out there with a decreased hCG AND a decreased PAPP-A, and mine just aren't decreased, they are very low. My PAPP-A is in the less than 1% range . That means more than 99% of people have a PAPP-A higher than mine. I think my hCG is below the 5% level. Everything just points to the very real liklihood that this baby has trisomy 18. And I know that these are just numbers and don't mean anything definitively, but it is so hard to hold on to hope when nothing leads me to believe that I should. If the baby does have trisomy 18, all of the options are heartbreaking.
We decided not to tell our children until after we knew that things were fine, and now we don't think that they are, so we decided that we aren't going to tell them about the pregnancy yet, and so I'm just trying to keep all of this from them, including any future plans that we need to make. Lots of people from our church know that I'm on bedrest because of the placenta problem and so I have begged them not to say anything about the pregnancy where my children are, but I am afraid that someone will slip.
This is so hard.
-Andie (13 weeks 3 days)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)