I'm not ready to assume anything

but I have caught myself thinking a couple of times about what it will be like to have a baby in the house again.

This baby is SO unexpected. We had infertility issues for many years, and even though we have conceived on our own several times, every pregnancy except for miracle man S's, ended in miscarriage. Not to mention, when we have tried to get pregnant, it has often taken us around a year to get pregnant. It has been a year and a half since the last time I conceived. We weren't trying this time, and I had just come to realize that I needed to come to terms with being done because my husband really, really, really was ready to be done.

K will be almost 9, E will be 6.5 and S will be almost 4. I never imagined that we would have a four year spread between children. I had big plans of going back to work in the fall. I need to go back to work in the fall. No matter what, I will probably need to go back to work in the fall. But my dr. wants to induce me at the end of August, if I make it that far, and I'll need to wait at least a month . . . .

I don't know. I really can wonder myself to death. I know that everything will work out. I know that if this baby makes it until August, that we will find a way to make everything work. But sometimes I wonder how will the money work out, what will I do since I don't even have a crib or any baby clothes or how will I take care of a newborn again?

But then I tell myself, let's just wonder about getting through one more day.

- Andie (8W4D)