Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Drama and Telling (m)

Well, after seeing the baby on Thursday, and starting to feel hopeful and like I really might have this baby at the end of August, then all of a sudden, it seemed like it might not happen.

We left for church and got there a few minutes before it started. I decided to go to the bathroom before it started. I was bleeding. I went back and told my husband, but decided to just hope that it would just slow down. Within a couple of minutes, I could tell that it was getting much worse, and I was really, really scared, and I was assuming the worst.

We took the kids home and called my mother-in-law to ask her to watch the children while we went to the hospital. Of course, we had to tell her why we were going. We also had to tell a couple of people at church because we both teach classes on Sunday, so we told a couple people before we left for the hospital.

The ER doc examined me and said that there was some blood but that I wasn't dilated, which was good. He sent me for an ultrasound. I was still assuming the worst. The person started the ultrasound and I couldn't see anything. I couldn't breathe. Finally, she said that the baby looked fine. She showed me the screen and there was the baby, moving around and with a heartbeat of 155. She said that she couldn't see any reason for the bleeding. The ER doc didn't seem to have any ideas where the bleeding was coming from either. They sent me home with instructions for strict bedrest for two days and no lifting for at least a week.

I told one of my best IRL (in real life) friends, and she told a couple other people who arranged to bring us dinner for this week. I finally decided that I needed to call a few more people so that it wouldn't look like I was excluding people.

It was not the way that I wanted to tell people. "Yes, we are pregnant. Yes, I'm having complications and we aren't sure if things will be o.k."

My dr. is out of town until next Monday, so the nurses said to just continue with the recommendations from the ER doc, and call if the bleeding gets worse. So far, I haven't had any bleeding since this Monday. I have an appointment on Monday to see my dr. I will be 12 weeks, 5 days. I had a dr. appointment during my last pregnancy at 12 weeks and 5 days, and that was when I found out that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. I am terrified that it is all going to happen again.

On the other hand, I'm doing everything that I can do, which isn't much. If I'm going to have a miscarriage, there isn't a lot to do to stop it. But I really hope that everything ends up o.k. I've started to become a little excited about this pregnancy. Please let everything be o.k.

-Andie (12 weeks)

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