His name is Christopher John

The amnio results came back on March 24th. The baby does not have Trisomy 13, 18 or 21. We also found out that we were having a little boy. We were thrilled. We called people who knew that we were having the amnio and told them that the baby was fine. We finally told our children and they were so excited. My parents had come out to be with us while we waited for news. We went out to dinner that night and celebrated. We spent most of the evening discussing baby names.

I had gotten a fetal doppler through the mail, and I checked his heartbeat on Monday. It was 155. Tuesday evening, I checked it again. It took a little while to find it, but I finally did, and it was 155. Wednesday, I decided to wait a day or two between checks, and so I didn't check it that day. I went out and ran a couple errands with my sister and my mom.

Thursday, I woke up and I just felt like something was wrong. I got out my fetal doppler and looked for his heartbeat. I searched for 10 minutes, and I couldn't find it. I started to panic, but I decided to try and look again. Still nothing. I tried to tell myself that I just couldn't find it because I wasn't looking in the right place. But I was worried enough that I decided to call the dr. The dr's office called back and said to come in. When I got there, they said they would do an ultrasound, but the ultrasound room was being used, and it would be a little while. I had called my husband and asked him to come to my appointment, so he was with me.

We finally got called to the ultrasound room. I was still trying to convince myself that everything was going to be o.k. We had been through so much with this pregnancy, and we had just found out that he didn't have Trisomy 18. He was o.k. He just had to be.

But as soon as the dr. started the ultrasound, I knew. I said "He isn't moving, is he? And there isn't a heartbeat, is there?" And the dr. said "I'm sorry, but he is gone." I turned to look at my husband, and tears were running down his face.

On Thursday, March 27th, at 5:00 pm, we went over to the hospital to start the induction. They didn't start the medication until about 7:30 pm. At 5:09 am, on March 28th, 2008, Christopher John was born silently into the world.

During my time at the hospital, especially during the delivery, I was blessed with wonderful, caring nurses. My doctor was wonderful.

We left the hospital yesterday. They gave us a baby blanket and a box that contained his footprints, his birth certificate, and other momentos of his birth. We will be having a funeral service for him on Tuesday.

I'm feeling a million emotions and I'm sure I will continue to feel them for a long time.

I miss him.

-Andie & Christopher (born and died at 17 weeks, 4 days)